Reflections of a Neurodivergent Counsellor

“Neurodivergent brains aren't broken versions of 'normal'. They are different, and difference should not be pathologized” ― Dr. Devon Price, 2022

(Every wave is different, but they all belong to the sea)

A Neurodivergent Counsellor Approaches...

So now that I’ve been running Polaris-TS for a little while, I figured I’d write another blog post about me. More specifically, about a part of me that I can imagine is different to lots of other counsellors, and other people. I think that there are lots of stereotypes and misunderstandings about that difference, and so I thought I’d take a minute to set the record straight - in my case, at least. 

I am an autistic human being. That makes me an autistic counsellor, an autistic friend, and an autistic daughter. Wherever I go, I take the label of ‘autism’ with me because I met a set of criteria stating that the way I’m wired is different to most other people. I have Level 1 Autism, which essentially means ‘high functioning’, or ‘low support needs’, and I received my diagnosis last year, as an adult. I have spent most of my life with the assumption that I’m completely neurotypical. 

How wrong I was! 

This post is about autism, some of the misconceptions that come with it, and how this part of me shapes my work as a counsellor. I hope that this post is reassuring to allistics (neurotypical people), as well as the neurodivergent readers out there. 

(They do say that hindsight is 20/20)

Late Diagnosis: The Human Experience

I’ve had my fair share of counselling. It’s a requirement, when you train to be a counsellor yourself, but even before then, I took up opportunities to reflect on what my life was like. I know I’m not the only autistic person who can describe feelings of accidental otherness growing up. Casual misunderstandings, constant exhaustion, and sensory overload with an unknown underlying cause aren’t conducive to positive self talk or self confidence. 

It wasn’t until I moved house a couple of years ago that I put two and two together and came up with, ‘this isn’t a normal reaction to this situation!’. I had my first semi-public meltdown because the thought of my things being in the wrong places was hugely distressing, so I imploded after trying hard for weeks to convince myself that I was being ridiculous over such an objectively small thing. Noticing this difference, and the scale of my reaction, and wondering what it looked like to the person I was with made me actually acknowledge that maybe there was something different about the way my brain works. I’m 29 now, and I was 27 at the time. 

Considering the idea that I might be autistic was the first step to letting go of some of the self bullying and negative thoughts I had of myself. I was working, offering unconditional positive regard, with many neurodivergent people, knowing that their experiences were different, and valid, and playing with the idea that maybe mine were too. 

I received my Level 1 Autism diagnosis in November of 2024, having spent much of that year trying to forgive myself for not being neurotypical. By the time I received formal confirmation that my brain is different to those of many others, as well as to how I thought it was, was the first step in re-evaluating who I was as a person. I had to get to know myself from the ground up, realising that I had been masking almost my whole life, even to myself. I am very different now, compared to then. I feel more free to treat myself with empathy and kindness. I have learned tools and language to describe my experiences to others. I can adapt my life knowing that I deserve adaptations because things like doing the dishes disturbs me in a way that (apparently!) it doesn’t disturb others. 

The relief, grief, anger and exhaustion were present, each and every day.

(A work in progress)

Neurodivergence in the Counselling Room

If you’re still here after all of that self-disclosure, then thanks for staying! The whole point of this blog post is to explain a little about what it’s like to talk to an autistic counsellor. An estimated 15-20% of people are neurodivergent, and it is generally believed that the same can be said of counsellors. There are loads of stereotypes out there about what autistic people are like, and very few of them contribute to the idea that we are articulate, empathetic and warm people. So, I would like to offer just a couple of myth challenging counter arguments that I feel apply to me, as a person, but most importantly, as a counsellor. 

Empathetic - Empathy is a person’s ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Being autistic changes how I connect with others, and rather than reducing my ability to do so, allows me to do so at a deeper and more intuitive level. I can pick up on the emotional undercurrents, the depths and many facets of what my clients might be feeling, and sense what that experience might be like for them. While all counsellors should be trained in this skill, being autistic means that, in my sessions, my focus is completely on my client’s experience. My brain is wired to help me pick up on the depth of human experience, and lets me hold space for whatever might be present for my clients as a result, without judgement and unreserved care and acceptance. 

Pattern Recognition - I once sat down to watch a murder mystery, and guessed who did the crime in the first two minutes. While this hugely frustrated my friend, this is a skill that I also bring into the counselling room. My attention to detail helps me to hear a client’s story, pick up on patterns of behaviour, or systems of cause and effect, that others might miss. This helps me to support clients who might not have seen them yet, offer new or different insights, or work with clients to make sense of their experiences in ways that empower them to make the choices that create the change that they want. My clients are at the center of my work, and I show this by offering my undivided attention in our work together, emotionally, and intellectually. 

Comfort with Honesty, Directness and Intensity - Healing is complicated, and sometimes it can feel messy. Growing who we are can sometimes mean confronting things that feel immensely painful or unbearable. As an autistic person, I am comfortable with overwhelming things, and holding a space stable enough to invite all manner of intensity into the room in a way that empowers my clients to feel safe enough to confront them. I don’t shy away from strong emotions or difficult truths. I can meet my clients wherever they are in their journey, with a directness that is extended with care and sensitivity.

(Hello to the you that you really are!)

Challenging Stereotypes

Most people live under the assumption of stereotypes in some way. Whether as a result of their career, appearance, diagnosis, or identity, it is a part of the human experience to learn something about someone, and make assumptions about who they are as a result of that information. Perhaps there have been times that this has kept us safe. If I’m told that I’m about to walk through a door and confront a lion, I’m not likely to pause to ask about its age, or whether it’s a soft toy, before my brain automatically starts thinking about how to avoid being eaten.

Part of being a human in the modern world means expanding our world by challenging preconceptions or assumptions that exist in our societies. There are still stereotypes that autistic people are cold, distant, maths geniuses with isolating special interests that make them hard to connect with, but this certainly doesn’t reflect my experience of myself, or any autistic people I know. 

The reality is that all people are different, and this includes the autistic ones. In reality, neurodivergence can bring a richness of perception, commitment to authenticity, and an embrace of the unknown that doesn’t come naturally to all people. In all of my work as a counsellor, I strive to just be a person in a room with another person, here for my clients. For me, being an autistic person means being an autistic counsellor, and being grateful for the extra skills I get to enjoy as a result. 

I work towards authenticity in all that I do, so if there is a difference between the way I work, and the way others work, perhaps that is a good thing. Diversity within the counselling profession strengthens all of us, and I’m proud to be a part of that. 

(All of our journeys are different. It's okay to get to know each other)

Authenticity, Humanity, and Hope

I love working with all of my clients, neurotypical and neurodivergent. Being an autistic counsellor does make me different to other counsellors out there, but it’s something that shapes and strengthens the work that my clients and I do together. My neurodivergence gives me extra tools that I can use to connect with people, and gain greater insight into the lives of those that I meet. I am always, consistently amazed and awe-struck by how brave my clients are when they come to counselling. Working towards growth and change by wading through some of the most difficult parts of our lives can be a huge challenge, and being honest with ourselves about our lives is a big ask. It is the least that I can do for my clients to offer the same authenticity when I am with them, and I think that means being open and proud about my differences too. 

The neurodivergent path certainly isn’t a straightforward one, but it has made me a person, and counsellor, that strives for groundedness, honesty, and humanity. I think counselling is most therapeutic when we can meet each other as we really are, and I’m grateful to be able to do that with those that choose to work with me. 

As always, wishing you all the best, and with the warmest of regards,

Laura :)